A common misconception about private detectives is that they are ‘money hungry’ and will do anything for a quick dollar, somewhat like the perception that attorneys are ‘bottom feeders’. Although I cannot speak for everyone in the investigation industry, our agency actually spends more time counseling people. Even though it isn’t the norm, we find ourselves being marriage counselors, rather than retaining the client, in some instances actually turning them away. While most people would consider marriage counselors and private detectives to be polar opposites on the marriage repair scale, our agency shows more compassion than just trying to chase the proverbial buck.
When a marriage is in trouble due to unfaithfulness, the couple may go to a marriage counselor to see if the marriage can be salvaged. A counselor is typically professionally trained, has a college degree to add to their name, and is state licensed. For differing reasons such as the marriage seems to be beyond the stage of receiving marital intervention, counseling was attempted and just didn’t work, or one spouse won’t go, the retention of a private detective is sometimes used as a viable option for the spouse that was betrayed. A private detective does not need to have professional training, or a college degree, but does need to be state licensed in most states. Additionally, a good detective will have had years of experience in dealing in these matters, have law enforcement background, and will be a member of a governing private investigator association in their state, and have continuing education.
A marriage counselor characteristically works with both marital partners, but not always. If the cheating partner is still involved in an affair, they typically will not agree to seek help. They will tell their partner they no longer love them, and may want to leave the marriage. Sometimes the cheater will deny anything is wrong at all while attempting to enjoy both worlds. In contrast, a private detective will see the offended spouse only at a very sensitive and emotional time in their relationship. Most likely this is at a period when the spouse is feeling helpless and abandoned, and may be far beyond the point that the counselor is seeing them. Typically, the spouse that is seeking counsel by themselves is also the one seeking an investigator in order to start to bring closure to the relationship or to determine if there is any hope left at all. Sometimes they are referred to the investigator by the counselor, or an attorney, if it has gotten to that point.
Since a marriage counselor is expected to assist the couple (or the partner that is seeking counsel) with coping abilities, life skills, and relationship building, their job is set forth over a specified period of time. This sometimes involves months, if not years, and may even be covered by insurance. The counselor/client relationship is determined by a preset goal of reaching coping skills. When a client comes to a detective, similarly there is a specified time set, but the basis is determined by affordability, since it will be cash out of pocket, and also job completion, regardless of the end result. The outcome is typically finding if the offending partner is simply caught cheating or not cheating. The common thread between the counselor/client and detective/client relationship, is that there is an emotional bond typically felt by the client, based on a vulnerable point in their life. This is when they don’t share their plight with anyone in their social circles, if even in their inner circles, usually because of a sense of embarrassment. They feel they have no one to turn to. This is even harder when they are not working with a professional therapist. Where our agency differs from other detective agencies, and where we become like marriage counselors ourselves, is that we actually encourage the client to do anything within their power to save their marriage. In some cases, that is even more than counselors will advise. We try to accomplish this prior to conducting surveillance. First, we recommend that the client purchase the “Love Dare” book and follow it for thirty days. We advise them of what the signs of a cheater are, and inquire as to what their intention is if they receive negative news. We take phone calls from them and lend a compassionate ear, most times before accepting a retainer. The client then decides to either pursue an investigation, continue to work on their marriage, or just throw in the towel. At least we have the satisfaction of knowing that we, as private detectives, did everything we could to save their marriage, before taking money from them. A slighted spouse would not come to a detective unless they felt they had no other place to go. They may feel there is something they want to rescue in their marriage, and have some glimmer of hope that there is something to be reconciled. Possibly, they may not be ready to let go. At any rate, some states like Wisconsin are “no fault” states; therefore, there is no need for evidence. An investigator could, unfortunately, take advantage of an already sensitive situation, accept money, put in some time, and leave the client with no answers. Our agency differs from counselors, and many detective agencies for that matter, in the fact that we also work off the clock, taking calls from our clients, even after the case is concluded, whether there was a good or bad outcome. The connection seems to be there for the client to feel comfortable to call and update what is going on in their life. Sometimes they just want to vent. We have no problem with that, since good client service not only gives us referrals, but we also have compassion for the human condition and believe in the “Golden Rule”. Our case does not have to be concluded when we close the file as it does in a therapist’s office.
The role of marriage counselors is not always similar to that of some private detectives, but in the scenario of our agency, we believe it is. Other than the fact that a counselor may expect the decision of the spouses to be made when they arrive in their office, the client goes to therapy sessions because they need someone to intervene, and give them direction. As a detective, with years of experience in dealing with cheating spouses, it boils down to the simple fact that each storyline, when it comes to infidelity, practically has the same plot repeated over, and over again, with different actors in each performance. The villain has the same method of operation each time the story is played out. Detectives typically only hear one chapter of the storyline, but if they are good at their craft they are also proficient at putting the scenarios and subplots together rather quickly, and knowing when the narration needs to be replaced with a good old-fashioned, gumshoe, action-adventure, motion picture. After all, doesn’t everyone just need one person they can trust, to chronicle their story?
